Strong Foundation: Strong Marriage, by Pastor (Mrs) Anthonia Obafaiye

Strong Foundation: Strong Marriage, by Pastor (Mrs) Anthonia Obafaiye

Psalm 127:1 says ‘Except The Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain. (KJV)

Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain. (NIV)

Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is wasted. (NLT)

If the Lord doesn’t build the house, the builders are working for nothing. (NCV)


What is a Foundation?

The lowest load- bearing part of a building, typically below ground level. The foundation as it were is almost invisible, unlike the building that is visible, we all seem to say of buildings, did you see how beautiful and well-structured that house is but never the foundation because it cannot be seen. But no matter how beautiful a building is or might seem to be, if the foundation is not well structured with the right materials and not allowed to cure (that is a building language my late Father always used when I was opportune to follow him to his building sites).


The building will either have very serious structural defects or will eventually collapse. If you walk into a building and you begin to notice cracks in the walls, it is a foundational problem.

We can also apply this principle to every area of our lives, everything we do or purpose to do starts with laying a foundation, the list is endless, starting a business, getting married, our academics, our career, and if we get it wrong at the foundation stage there is a likelihood that the project we are embarking on might collapse or fail.


Luke 14:28-30: ‘’28 “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? 29 For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, 30 saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’’ (NIV)


Say for example you want to make Distinctions in your course of study but when it is lecture time or when you are supposed to be studying, you are either sleeping, gisting, or browsing the internet (social media) if you find yourself doing these things when you are supposed to be in lectures or studying (burning the midnight candle as it were), you are not laying a good foundation for your success.


The Bible says in Proverbs 26:13 ‘’The lazy person [who is self-indulgent and relies on lame excuses] says, “There is a lion in the road! A lion is in the open square [and if I go outside to work I will be killed]!”


Another example is, you are believing God for a home (you want to get married) you have not found out what the mind and desire of God says in His word concerning marriage, neither have you read any books on marriage, or attended seminars for singles on preparation for marriage, you are not laying a good foundation.


I pray that failure will not be our portion in Jesus name. Why do I pray so because by the special grace of God we will be wise builders in Jesus name.


A Strong Marriage is a marriage that is built on the precepts, commands and tenets of God and His word. The couples are unique in their own way but complement each other excellently. The couples prioritize togetherness, ask each other for help, they forgive each other easily through the grace of God, they enjoy doing things together and spend most of their free time together. They enjoy each other’s company. Their motto as it were is ‘One for all and all for one, unity we stand, we shall not fall or fail by the special grace of God.

(Do you know that some married people are so lonely in their marriages, because they have made their spouse their enemy, instead of standing together to defeat the enemy that has risen against them as a flood, they are fighting each other).


Matthew 12:29. ‘’ Or how can someone enter a strong man’s house and plunder his goods, unless he first binds the strong man? Then indeed he may plunder his house.’’


They have allowed the devil to bind them, and he is plundering their goods, when they are supposed to be united in making sure they bind the devil and send him back to the Abyss where he belongs. Please do not give the devil a foothold in your lives or homes, otherwise he will become a stronghold. I pray this will not be our portion in Jesus name.


Brethren it takes the husband and wife to work together, to be committed to the vows they made to each other to make their marriage strong and work to the glory of God, the Bible says in Eccesciates 4:12 ‘’ And if one prevaileth against him, two shall withstand him; and a three-fold cord is not quickly broken. If you are united, the devil cannot prevail against you.


Please lets learn to put our vows first before our feelings, feeling is the voice of the flesh, and the bible says in Galatians 6:8: ‘’ For the one who sows to his flesh [his sinful capacity, his worldliness, his disgraceful impulses] will reap from the flesh ruin and destruction, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. (AMP)


Romans 8:6-8

Now the mind of the flesh is death [both now and forever—because it pursues sin]; but the mind of the Spirit is life and peace [the spiritual well-being that comes from walking with God—both now and forever]; 7 the mind of the flesh [with its sinful pursuits] is actively hostile to God. It does not submit itself to God’s law, since it cannot, 8 and those who are in the flesh [living a life that caters to sinful appetites and impulses] cannot please God. (AMP)


The main Bible text will be taken from the Book of Matthew 7: 24-27 (The New Living Translation titled this reading Building on a Solid Foundation)


24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

A very short verse from the Bible but yet full of wisdom. The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. Life is all about choices (good and bad choices). Our decisions concerning the choices we choose to make depends on whose voice we choose to go with (the Bible says in the book of Isaiah 30:21 ‘Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice from behind and it will say to you that is the way, walk in it’) it also depends on who we are building with as it were.


Pastor Faith Oyedepo (Bishop David Oyedepo’s wife) said this regarding Marriage in a recent post: ‘’All things, including marriage are upheld by the Word of God. God is power, and He upholds all things, including your home by his powerful word. Once God’s word is given its rightful place in your home, it is built on a sure foundation which must stand.’’

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:1 ‘Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. A good example is Queen Esther in the Book of Esther 5:1-15


Proverbs 24:3-6 ‘‘It takes wisdom to have a good family, and it takes understanding to make it strong.

4 It takes knowledge to fill a home with rare and beautiful treasures.

5 Wise people have great power, and those with knowledge have great strength.

6 So you need advice when you go to war. If you have lots of good advice, you will win’’. (NCV).


(They say choose the battles you fight well: some people are just overwhelmed with fighting the wrong battles, it can be physically, emotionally and spiritually draining to fight the wrong battles in life, because God is not fighting on your behalf). God will not empower you to fight the wrong battles in lives, He does not bless walking in disobedience.


Everything we find ourselves doing in life according to the perfect will of God is like when you go to war, our mind is like the Battle field and there battles are fought, you either win the battle or lose it in your mind. I pray we will not lose the battles of our lives in Jesus Mighty name.


Brethren the wise builder is a man/woman that is deeply rooted and grounded in his/her relationship with God, hence they receive grace, strength and wisdom from God for every other relationship in their lives to succeed.


The wise builder is a man or woman of faith, that reads, studies, mediates and memorises the word of God. (Job said in Job 23:12, thy word have I esteemed more than my necessary food). David said in Psalm 119:11 ‘Thy word have I hid my heart so that I might sin against thee’.

The wise builder is a man or woman of prayer, that prayers always and ceaselessly. Given to good works, (Tabitha was full of good works, we need to back our faith in God with good works).


The wise builder is a man or a woman that preaches the gospel with their mouth and life. Serves The Lord with gladness of heart, not with eye service but solely unto God like a Faithful steward. No matter what comes their way, they always show up for service and give their very best, they demonstrate total commitment.


The wise builder is a man or woman who uses their talents and gifts for God to edify the Body of Christ not to profit themselves.


Brethren 1 Corinthians 3:9-15 says ‘For we are labourers together with God, ye are God’s husbandry, ye are God’s building.

According to the grace of God which is given unto me, as a wise master builder, I have laid the foundation, and another buildeth thereon. But let every man take heed how he buildeth thereupon.


For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid, which is Jesus Christ.

Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble.

Every man’s work shall be made manifest, for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire, and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.

If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.

If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss, but he himself shall be saved, yet so as by fire.

May we not suffer any lose in Jesus name.


Brethren according to 1 Corinthians 3:10, as children of the Most High God, as married couples, what are we supposed to build on the foundation that Christ has helped us lay in Him concerning our marriage and homes?: Some of these attributes are the fruit of the Holy Spirt as mentioned in Galatians 5: 22-23, these are attributes that every child of God must seek to cultivate in their lives with the help of the Holy Spirit, having and exhibiting them in our lives helps us to keep our body under as the word of God said in 1 Corinthians 9:27.


The Love of God: 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.


Many waters cannot quench the fire of love. (Song of Solomon 8:7)


Above all, love each other deeply, because love covereth a multitude of wrongs. (1 Peter 4:8)


My Brothers (Husbands) in the house, God specifically commanded in Ephesians 5:25 that you should love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.

I am yet to see a woman her husband loves and demonstrates this love with deeds that will not love her husband back and submit to him. If you treat your wife as a Queen that she is, she will also treat you as her King.


Honour & Respect: This is where Submission comes into play for us women and wives after God’s own heart. Ephesians 5:22. ‘’ Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

(I will give you an example of submission: a man tells his wife not to attend a function in another city because he did not have a release in his heart for his wife to travel. The function is a very important event and the lady had been looking forward to attending and it required a bit of spending. The lady decides to submit to her husband’s decision, because she knows what God says in the Bible regarding submission. She had the money to spend on the trip and she could easily pack up and go without her husband stopping her, but she decided to listen and submit to her husband’s decision. Now this is true wisdom from God. Brethren there are some tears that are not meant for us to shed.


The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 10:6: ‘’ That God is ready to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.


My Dear Sisters submission is a command from God, we are not doing it as unto our husbands, but we are behaving like Dear daughters unto our Father in heaven by obeying His instructions. So whether your husband deserves submission or not, you need to render it. Stick with your brief, your brief is total submission. Your husband’s brief is to love you like Christ loved the Church. We are all going to be judged according to our words and deeds, not what other people were meant to do. So on that day, there will be no such thing as, call or summon Sunday here he made me do it, he did not love me, so I did not submit. Brethren, let’s be careful and not live our lives carelessly, there is no repentance in the grave.


The Joy of The Lord: Isaiah 12:3 ‘’with joy you will draw water from the wells of salvation.’’ The Joy of the Lord will remain your strength. Brethren Joy is not happiness, happiness is momentarily, Joy only comes from God, as a child of God you have Joy regardless of whatever circumstance or situation you are going through. I once read a lady’s write up that said happiness is key like they say prayer is the key. Well I don’t agree with that statement.


Happiness is the voice of your flesh (because it tells you how you feel at certain times, happiness is a state but Joy is way of life).

Joy radiates from your spirit because it is the voice of your soul & spirit, it reassures you that regardless of whatever you are going through, God is in control and he will not leave nor forsake you, His grace will not let you fall or fail.


Faith/Faithfulness: Couples must build upon the foundation, a faith that pleases God and one another. A faith that believes that faithful is He that has begun a good work in their lives, who will also perfect it. Faith that believes that whatever you commit into the hands of God is safe. Hebrews 11:6: ‘’ But without faith it is impossible to [walk with God and] please Him, for whoever comes [near] to God must [necessarily] believe that God exists and that He rewards those who [earnestly and diligently] seek Him. (AMP)


The Peace of God: Philippians 4:7: ‘’And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours]. (AMP)

Hebrews 12:14: ‘’ Continually pursue peace with everyone, and the sanctification without which no one will [ever] see the Lord.’’ (AMP).


Brethren at every given point in our lives, let’s try to be at peace with God, allow the peace of God in our lives and pursue peace with everyone. So there are times for instance when we decide to keep quiet on certain issues just for the peace of God to reign in our homes. When I say keep quiet I don’t mean keep malice, because that is a sin. 1 Peter 3:6-7. ‘’ It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you].7 In the same way you married men should live considerately with [your wives], with an intelligent recognition [of the marriage relation], honouring the woman as [physically] the weaker, but [realizing that you] are joint heirs of the grace (God’s unmerited favour) of life, in order that your prayers may not be hindered and cut off. [Otherwise you cannot pray effectively.] (AMP the Classical)


Kindness: Colossians 12: 12-15‘’ So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper];  13 bearing graciously with one another, and willingly forgiving each other if one has a cause for complaint against another; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so should you forgive.  14 Beyond all these things put on and wrap yourselves in [unselfish] love, which is the perfect bond of unity [for everything is bound together in agreement when each one seeks the best for others].  15 Let the peace of Christ [the inner calm of one who walks daily with Him] be the controlling factor in your hearts [deciding and settling questions that arise]. To this peace indeed you were called as members in one body [of believers]. And be thankful [to God always].


Please let’s try to be kind to one another, no one is perfect, we are all working towards perfection with the help of the Holy Spirit who dwells in us.


Goodness: Galatians 6:10: ‘’ So then, while we [as individual believers] have the opportunity, let us do good to all people [not only being helpful, but also doing that which promotes their spiritual well-being], and especially [be a blessing] to those of the household of faith (born-again believers). (AMP)


Proverbs 31:12: tells us a virtuous wife does ‘’ She comforts, encourages, and does her husband only good and not evil all the days of her life.’’(AMP).


Be your spouse’s cheer leader. Don’t talk them down (don’t call up things from their past because you want to hurt them and make them feel small).The Bible says if God were to begin to mark iniquity, who will be left standing, you are highly privileged that your spouse shared their past with you. Do not take them for granted because you see them every other day, you have seen them at their lowest point in life, over familiarity can breed contempt, let’s be careful and treat each other with great respect and honour.’’


Gentleness: Proverbs 15:1. ‘’A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath, But harsh and painful and careless words stir up anger.’’

2 Timothy 2:24-26. ‘’ And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25 correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.’’ (Easy Standard Version)


James 3:17. ‘’ But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.’’ (ESV)

Please let me also add that you don’t take your spouse’s gentleness for granted, but be thankful to God for their nature and ask God for the grace to be able to relate with them.


Trust & Commitment: 1 John 4:20. ‘’ If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates, works against his Christian brother or sister, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother or sister whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.’’ (AMP)

2 Timothy 1:12. ‘’ This is why I suffer as I do. Still, I am not ashamed; for I know Him and I am personally acquainted with Him, whom I have believed with absolute trust and confidence in Him and in the truth of His deity, and I am persuaded beyond any doubt that He is able to guard that which I have entrusted to Him until that day, when I stand before Him.’’ (AMP).


Brethren trust and commitment in marriage is likened to your trust & commitment to God, whatever you entrust into the hands of God, will never go wrong or rotten. You just need to rely on Him totally to help you make you marriage work regardless of whatever the enemy will bring your way. Your motto should be this one will pass too and all glory will be ascribed to God. Tough times don’t last but tough people do.


There is nothing that kills a relationship like lack of trust or abuse of trust, when you accuse one another wrongly or you take each other for granted for example in the place of infidelity, this really hurts, and it will only take the special grace of God to forgive and for healing to take place.


Genuine Friendship/Companionship: One of the reasons God created marriage is for companionship: ‘’It is not good for man to be alone, I will make him a help that is meet for him. Genesis 2:18.


Brethren, people come into your life for various reasons, when people come your way as you navigate this road called life, ask God for the discernment to be able to know what the purpose of their coming into your life is, people come into your life for a reason, for a season and for life. You need to know because it will help you discern how much of yourself, you will need to pour or invest into these relationships. This helps you to establish healthy boundaries around this relationships as well. Marriage falls under the last category, it is for life, so you need to give the relationship your all and very best.


The singles in the house can I counsel you today, please when someone approaches you for marriage, first check with God, seek godly counsel, parental guidance and acceptance, to find out if the person is the perfect will of God for your life, then get to know the person during courtship, grow to be friends, before marriage, very important.


People also come into your life to either subtract or add, they come into your lives to either multiply or divide, and you need the spirit of discernment from the Holy Spirit to know precisely why they have come your way and what they have been sent to do in your life and destiny.


There are some relationships you can find yourself and you always feel so drained, so un-valued and there are relationships you feel so valued and virtue is added to your life.


Contentment: 1 Timothy 6:6-8: ‘’But godliness with contentment is great gain.

7 For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

8 And having food and raiment let us be therewith content. (I will include shelter).

Brethren, money cannot buy everything. Please we are not to build the love of money on our God built foundation, for the love of money is the root of all evil.


Billy Graham once said, ‘’There is nothing wrong with men/women possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men/women. Matthew 6:24: ‘’You cannot serve both God and money/Mammon.’’

1 Timothy 6:10 (NIV: For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs).


Please don’t get me wrong, money is good, Eccesciates 7:12 likens money to wisdom, which is a defense, because you can send money on errands. But when you place money above God and you begin to worship money, then it can lead to all kinds of evil. Money is supposed to be servant to us and not the other way round. Rev Akin Bola-John (A Guest Minister) once taught us on the Characteristics of Money, the teaching was mind blowing, the conclusion was very sobering when he said as a man or woman is being lowered down into their graves, money will say to them, I am sorry but this is how far I can go with you, I am not following into that place, bye.


Matthew 6:33 ‘’ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.’’ (NIV).

(3 John 1:2) God wants us his children to prosper in health and in wealth, even as our souls prospers.


12) Moderation: Philippians 4:5 ‘’ Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand’’. You can look simple but yet classy. You do not have to break the bank to look good.

Proverbs 15:16-17. ‘’ Better is a little with the [reverent, worshipful] fear of the Lord, than great treasure and trouble with it.

17 Better is a dinner of vegetables and herbs where love is present than a fattened ox served with hatred.’’(AMP).


Please don’t do things because other people are doing it (keeping up with the Jones). At God’s own time, He always makes everything beautiful. Be careful of the little foxes that ruin the vineyard. Money cannot buy everything. There are times we need to make sacrifices, so that our tomorrow can be great, especially in the area of raising the godly seeds (nations, stars & destinies) God has committed into our hands to nature.


13) Excellence: Eccesciates 9:10 ‘’Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest’’. The word of God says in Matthew 5:14-16 ‘‘Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. 15 Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven.’’

Brethren everything regarding and concerning our lives must be an epistle that men should read Jesus from. We are the standard that the world should measure up to. Our homes should be heaven on earth.


14) Patience, Endurance and Long Suffering: Please let’s get this right, if you are in a marriage where your spouse is abusing you physically, don’t be careless with your life, please seek Godly counsel and the church can recommend separation for a while for healing, counselling and therapy, after this has taken place the couples can come back together and continue their marriage with God’s grace, wisdom and the help of the Holy Spirit.


Romans 5:1-4. ‘’ Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.’’(ESV).


Brethren the Institute of Marriage is a mystery, it is only God that understands it, hence you need a fortified relationship with God, so he can reveal the secrets of how you can have a successful marriage. It is a school where you keep learning and its students never graduate, it is a bus, when you get on it, it has no bus stop and it is a place where your patience, endurance and long suffering can be tried and stretched to the highest limit. As children of The Most High God our consolation is that God never sets His children up to fail, therefore we shall succeed in Jesus Mighty name.


Brethren as God can be trusted, we as His children can have excellent marriages here on earth. Believe me it is possible, but you need to be determined to make it work with His help.


15) The word of God: Read, Study, Mediate, Memorise and Live the word of God.

Joshua 1:8. ‘’ This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall read [and meditate on] it day and night, so that you may be careful to do [everything] in accordance with all that is written in it; for then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will be [d]successful.’’ (AMP).


Jerimiah 15:16. ‘’ Your words were found and I ate them, And Your words became a joy to me and the delight of my heart; For I have been called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts. (AMP).


Proverbs 22:6. ‘’ Train up a child in the way he should go [teaching him to seek God’s wisdom and will for his abilities and talents], Even when he is old he will not depart from it.’’ (AMP).


My Fathers, Brothers and Husbands in the house, it is your Priestly role & responsibility to establish an alter in your homes, where you and your family can commune with God. You can choose a time when you know all members of the family are present. Dedicate time to study and teach the word of God to your family, always know what the mind and desire of God is for your family at every given time and season of your lives. Joshua said in Joshua 24:15. ‘’ but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD.’’(KVJ).


Ezekiel 3: 17 (AMP) “Son of man, I have appointed you as a watchman to the house of Israel; whenever you hear a word from My mouth, warn them from Me.

As daughters, sisters, wives and mothers after God’s own heart, He has set us as watchwomen over our homes, to pray, intercede, nurture, care, and stand in the gap for our household.


Prayer & Fasting: Brethren the Bible says in Psalm 11: 3 ‘’When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do.?’’

The righteous can pray, he/she can fast, he/she can work towards changing the way they think and act. There is no such thing as, that’s my nature, he/she knew this before he/she married me. Brethren, a lot of people have missed heaven because of marriage, because of working in disobedience. I pray this will not be our portion or lot in this life in Jesus name. We should continue to keep an open heart to learn, because that is how we continue to grow. The school of marriage is a school we will never graduate from, it is a continuous learning experience, sometimes we un-learn old ways to learn new ways of doing things.


Communication: Good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Many marriages could be saved if spouses improved the ways they communicate with each other. It is often the simplest bad habits that get couples into troubled waters. Once a marriage gets on a rough track, negativity grows; problems escalate as both spouses repeat their mistakes again and again. Communication in marriage is like a life giving river (a river is never stagnant like a lake but it flows). When husband and wife cannot communicate, a huge dam is built stopping the flow of water. This causes everything around them to suffer and slowly die. Seeds that were once planted cannot grow and both spouses develop a strong inward thirst for their unmet needs, eventually causing multiple cracks throughout the foundation of their relationship.


Many promising marriages have fallen into ruin simply because of lack of communication. You begin to hear we are getting a divorce because of irreconcilable differences. You will be amazed and disappointed when you hear the irreconcilable differences, taking the toothpaste from the middle of the tube rather than from the bottom of the tube. They did not put the toilet seat down (for the wives), or the many things that living in Europe is encouraging spouses to do, because the culture is so anti-marriage and they do not know or serve God. So the devil is utilising these avenues to attack the institute of marriage and the church.


You will also hear things like, we just realised that we are not made for each other, we are not compatible, and so it is not working. The greatest mistake one can make is to go into marriage with a plan B, that is, if does not work, to your tents Oh Israel, I can’t come and kill myself, marriage is not by force. Spouses are meant to complement one another, there is no perfect person anywhere, as children of God we are working towards perfection with the help of the Holy Spirt and the grace of God. Good and frequent communication with the right words, the right tone and spoken at the right time will go a long in helping to sustain a marriage relationship.


There are two forms of communication:

*Verbal: In the form of discussion, argument, debate, rebuke, protest, command and appeal.

*Non-verbal: Signs or signals. These could be in form of eyeing, nose twitching, mouth twisting or hissing, sticking out one’s tongue, touching or slapping with hand.


Communication in marriage goes beyond words. Everything a couple does in the presence of one another communicates. They say actions speak louder the voice, so even when you are quiet, watch your body language. Problems usually start from wrong communication. Saying the right things the wrong way or at the wrong time is likely to generate the wrong response Prov. 25:11 ‘The right word spoken at the right time is beautiful as gold apples in a silver bowl’. Prov. 15: 1 ‘A gentle answer will calm a person’s anger, but an un-kind answer will cause more anger’.’ Let your speech be seasoned with grace and salt so that you know how you ought to answer every man’.


In conclusion: The wise builder is a man/woman that possesses a strong foundation and marriage, is not only a hearer of God’s word but a doer of God’s word. For when we love God and totally obey His commandments we will definitely live victorious lives here on earth and we will end our race of life well, we will see God in Glory and we will be like Him in Jesus name.


Brethren I will leave us to meditate on these scriptures:

Psalm 128: 1- 6.

‘’ Blessed [happy and sheltered by God’s favor] is everyone who fears the Lord [and worships Him with obedience],

Who walks in His ways and lives according to His commandments.

2 For you shall eat the fruit of [the labour of] your hands,

You will be happy and blessed and it will be well with you.

3 Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine

Within the innermost part of your house;

Your children will be like olive plants

Around your table.

4 Behold, for so shall the man be blessed and divinely favoured

Who fears the Lord [and worships Him with obedience].

5 May the Lord bless you from Zion [His holy mountain],

And may you see the prosperity of Jerusalem all the days of your life;

6 Indeed, may you see your [family perpetuated in your] children’s children.

Peace be upon Israel!


Philippians 4:4-9 (NIV) – Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you Everlasting Fathers Assembly, you will not fail or fall in any area of your lives in Jesus Mighty name.

Sermon delivered on November 15, 2020.