- Love
Eros – Love based on the physical process, or sexual attraction to each other.
Philia- Based on the emotional process. Need to have a bond with each other.
Agape- love that is based on the spiritual process, sacrificial and unselfish. It could be unmerited and unconditional. All these must be present in the marriage to be healthy.
- Appreciation and commendation – We go through life with a lot of pressures on our shoulders. So, we expect the other person to know what they ought to do as their part of the home run. When they do this, we don’t see anything special about it. But when things are not done, we quickly remind them or worse criticise or nag them. We ought to say thank you to things done by our spouse even as part of the day to day activities. The appreciations linger on in their minds for a long time and make corrections easy to bear.
- Forgiveness – to pardon or show mercy. No longer have the wish to punish for an offence. Not to have hard feelings towards the offender.
In marriage, we should expect some deliberate and unavailable offences from our spouse. We must be prepared to forgive and not keep referring to them. When we go wrong, should readily ask for forgiveness and also to practise open forgiveness if the offender does not easily want to apologise.
- Submission/honour/respect
It is been humble enough to accept the leadership of another or having a deep reverence to the other party. In marriage, for the order to be in place, the husband is the head of the home. The submission of the wife to him must be total. However, there would be instances where the husband would need to listen and obey his wife for the home to run well.
- Communication – communication breakdown in marriage is one of the earliest noticeable signs of marriage about to fall apart. We must not allow distortion or loss of information within the union. Whether verbally or non-verbally, our communication should be well constructed. This will imply that the choice of time, choice of words, closeness during a discussion, choice of tone, addressing the issue and not the person is very important.
- Finance – in marriage, money should be a source of fostering peace, unity, comfort and better living condition and not to bring about discord. Money in marriage should not be individually owned but for family use. (Whatever God has joined together let no man put asunder). There must not be an issue about who earns more. Both couples should work to support the home. The family expenses to be catered for as the strength of the couple dictate. Some allowance must be available to the two of them for quick personal purchases.
- Integrity & trustworthiness – There should be a high moral code within the marriage. There should be accountability to the other person and a sense of responsibility to the family. Time and places of visit must be correctly accounted for. Words and actions must correspond. Pledges and promises must stand. Repentance and apologies must be genuine.
Tips on making a good choice in marriage
Marriage is like a shoe
When you pick an oversize shoe; be ready to drag it along throughout your life, and when you wear an under-size; be ready to feel the pains throughout your life.”
One thing about marriage is that you are not allowed to drop your shoe or remove it at any point, no matter how loose or how tight it is.
Three things to consider when buying your ‘shoe’:
1. The look of the shoe
Do not set out to just looking for the beautiful ones, the nice ones, the cheap ones, the costly ones, etc.
Look for the one that is your size. Not every handsome, wealthy or intelligent guy is for you, not every beautiful or smart lady is for you.
Look for the one that is meant for you, the one that aligns with your values and beliefs, the one who will be a helpmeet for your life’s journey.
It is important to know where you’re going in life before you think of getting a wife/husband.
- Where the shoe is displayed
All sizes of shoes are not placed in the same place. There is a place for court shoes, laced up shoes, sports footwear, snickers, slippers etc.
Also, we have children sizes, young people’s sizes and the adult sizes separately.
Know where to get your own shoe. Your size cannot be everywhere.
You cannot be a Christian and be looking for a wife/husband material at a nightclub. Your wife or husband can’t just be everywhere.
Stick to your values and therein you shall find someone like you, but when your values are not defined, any ‘shoe’ can just match your ‘feet’.
- You can’t try it on first
In this kind of shoe purchasing enterprise, you are not permitted to try the shoe before you buy. You can put it beside your feet to check if it will fit (courtship), but you can’t wear it and drop; the Manufacturer will be very angry with you.
This is why it is important to seek guidance and counselling, from people who have bought such shoes before or are into the business of directing people to the right shoes (e.g. Pastors and Relationship counsellors).
And most importantly, to avoid wasting much time, simply
consult the shoe Manufacturer (God Almighty) to tell you your exact size.
Ask yourself honest questions. Look for a sincere answer in the other person
Few Questions:
Where is this shoe made from? (i.e. Background).
-What’s the size written on it? (i.e. Values).
-How much is it? (His/her interest/life aspirations).
-How long will it last? (His/her character).
-Who made it? (Is she/he of the same faith).
-Will it match me? (Whether he/she loves you and will accept who you are).
Please take note!
Many are dragging their feet because of oversize shoes, and they may never fulfil their destinies.
Many are feeling endless pains and wish they could pull off the shoes but not anymore.
Many of us have bought beautiful undersized/oversized real shoes before and know how it feels: either drag or limp.
Beloved, it is not about the look of the shoe, it is the size.
You can’t know the size from afar, so you can come close, build a relationship first with them, but remember, you are not permitted to ‘try it before you buy it’. Trial equals bought.
And for those who have purchased the wrong sized shoes, you can still make it your size again if you consult the Manufacturer and let Him have His way in your marriage.
Too loose? He can tuck in some leather to reduce the size. Too tight? He can also draw out some leather to increase the size of your shoe. Talk to Him.
The sermon was delivered on the occasion of 2019 Father’s Day on June 16, 2019.