Exposing Hidden Destroyers of Marriage (Part 2), by Pastor (Mrs) Anthonia Obafaiye

Exposing Hidden Destroyers of Marriage (Part 2), by Pastor (Mrs) Anthonia Obafaiye

The Bible makes us understand in Song of Solomon 2:15 ‘Take us the foxes, the little foxes that spoil the vines, for our vines have tender grapes.’ (KJV)

‘Catch the foxes, the little foxes, before they ruin our vineyard in bloom.’ (GNT)

Brethren from this Bible verses we have read our marriages are likened to a beautiful garden, a vineyard that is in bloom, that is being cultivated and nurtured, and we must make sure to be prayerful and watchful, so we catch or take away the things that seem little that can ruin our marriages before they begin to cause havoc.

Before a marriage heads for a divorce, whatever that leads to divorce did not happen in one day, cracks had been appearing in the foundation of the marriage that had not been mended by the couple. Issues had been left unresolved, swept under the carpet as it were, ignored, glossed over until these issues got out of hand and caused the foundation of the marriage to become weak and eventually collapsed.

Brethren, God is the originator of Marriage and His word makes us understand that everything He created is good and abideth forever. His intention for marriage, if done according to His perfect will, is that marriage between a man and a woman is till death do them part. Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman in the presence of God, not a contract. God is not a covenant breaker, hence the reason He spoke in His word that He hates putting away. Marriage as it were, is likened to the image of a Triangle, God at the Top and the man and his wife at the two ends at the bottom of the triangle. God is the binding agent, He is the one holding our marriages together, if we let Him, so therefore, if we run into any trouble, He should be the one we run to for help, and I can assure you that He will come to our rescue, He has never failed neither has he forsaken His own Ecclesiastes 4:12 (a 3 fold chord cannot be easily broken, it is not that the chord cannot be broken, but the lesson from this statement is that because God is the one holding this chord together, the chord is God, the man and his wife, if either the man or his wife lets go of their grip from the hand of God, in other words they give up on their marriage, then the chord is easily broken, that will not be our portion in Jesus name) The Easy to read Version (ERV) Ecc. 4:12 says ‘An enemy might be able to defeat one person, but two people can stand back to back to defend each other. And three people are even stronger. They are like a rope that has three parts wrapped together, it is very hard to break.’

Marriage was been designed by God to be heaven on earth, as couples, we need to be aware of the devices of the enemy, we need the wisdom of God to identify the hidden destroyers of our marriages. The Bible tells us in John 10: 10 ‘The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’

‘The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to full, till it overflows).’ (AMP)

We will be looking at part 2 of the hidden destroyers of marriage:

Technology

I read a blog post about a guy getting a divorce…except that the blog was about this guy choosing to divorce his phone because it was affecting his marriage. But it makes sense because so many of us carry this dangerous relationship killer right in our back pocket. In the world of technology crazed, iPhone carrying, Facebook posting mania- it’s no joke that we find our time slipping away into the inanimate- instead of investing it into the intimate. Unplug, disconnect, shut down- and invest in your spouse.

Unforgiveness

Forgiving and forgetting are not one and the same. When we fail to realize that, we will hold on to our hurts for a very long time. And eventually, those hurts begin wreaking havoc on our lives from the inside out. But forgiveness is not about excusing the other person, it’s about freeing ourselves to receive healing from the God who forgives us time and time and time again. Remember the word of God says, if you do not forgive others, your heavenly Father will not forgive you. I have people say, we will finish it at the feet of Jesus, my friend, who told you that with un-forgiveness (which is a sin) you will get to the feet of Jesus.

Selfishness (Me, Myself & I)

Marriage is one huge, ongoing, life lesson in “unselfishness”. And we’ll either allow the experience to make us better- or we’ll grow bitter. Putting someone first is an incredibly hard task because our flesh is wired to choose our self first.

Sex

The frequency, quantity, quality and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in marriage.

The Bible says ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find and knock and it shall be opened unto you.

Do not assume that your spouse is supposed to know at all times, the Bible says there is time for everything a time to gather stone and a time to scatter stones, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embrace, for the purposes of fasting, but the Bible says but with the consent of your spouse. Please I recommend the Song of Solomon to couples for your reading pleasure, we can learn wonderful things pertaining to giving and receiving love.

The Past

The most paralyzing thing we can do for our relationship is to define our spouse by their past, rather than by who they are in the present. The past may impact our lives, but it will only control our present if we allow it to. It’s important to be real with one another about our pasts, but more importantly, to respect one other’s pasts by seeing what God is doing in the life of our spouse HERE and NOW. Deal with what is behind…so that you can move toward what is ahead.

Pride

“I am my biggest marriage problem” is the theme of Paul Tripp’s work in the field of relationships. To be able to look in, then, is the greatest step toward nourishing a relationship. To be aware enough to recognize and restore your flaws and shortcomings, before fixating on those of your spouse. But the sting of pride can make that really hard to do. It’s so much easier to point the finger and to shift the blame. But the moment you let go of your responsibility, you’ve let go of your relationship- because no matter what the issue at hand: it always takes two.

It’s time to consider where you’ve let your guard down before these sly intruders make their way in. May God continue to give you the wisdom to recognize these patterns and to look out for the “small stuff” by protecting, nourishing, and prioritizing your marriage.

Irritable Habits

Many people are married to someone who has one or more habits they find undesirable. So, don’t be afraid to point out habits that irritate you, just be sure you do it in a non-offensive way. For e.g snoring, picking of nose, yawning without closing their mouth with their hand, coughing & spitting in public, taking the toothpaste from the middle of the tube rather than from the bottom, not lifting & replacing the toilet seat properly, some marriages have ended in divorce because of the above mentioned, God will help us in Jesus name.

All we need to do is choose the right words, if need be like the case of the toilet, replace the seat yourself, it will not take you more than a second to do it. If need be to have different toothpaste or just overlook these insignificant things and get on win your marriage in peace.

Household Responsibilities

Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or did not do what.

I think the watchword here is to ask nicely and appropriately, just like I said earlier on, you do not demand or enforce it; but you ask nicely. Please do not compare your spouse with other people’s spouses.

How I wish my husband can be like Bro Dele or how I wish my wife can be like Sis Tolu.

Do not covert another man’s or woman’s parcel, you might not like what you find in that parcel.

Marriage is like a parcel that once you open it you cannot return it.

The sermon was delivered on the occasion of the Special Family Service on October 20, 2019.